Marilyn O’Malley, CPCC Life Coaching & Resources

Have you ever found yourself mad at yourself because you are overwelmed and stressed about your work and life? Feeling like there is so much to do and not enough time and it is all your fault because you can’t do it all.  And instead of having compassion for yourself you shame yourself for not being able to handle everything.

Your inner critic starts talking to you like you are a failure, a slouch, weak, lazy, don’t know enough, aren’t good enough, who do you think you are to think you could do it in the first place, your letting everyone down, what are _______ going to think?, etc…

We have somehow come to believe that we “should” be able to have it all, do it all, be everything to everyone and always be happy all at the same time! If we can’t something is wrong with us.

With new technology like computers, cell phones and  faxes…the time it takes to do things have speeded up. If we can do processes more quickly then we “should” be able to do more processes, so bring it on baby.

Who made up the rule we have to do more because we can?
Who made up the rule that we don’t complete our list for the day we are unsuccessful?
Who made up the rule that we have to multi task?
Who made up the rule that we have to get everything right the first time or we are a jerk, looser, or stupid?
Who made up the voice of the inner critic in our head?
What drives us to exhaustion and unhappiness?
Who are you living for? You or them?
What is your self worth? What rules determined your answer? Who was the judge?

Stop and think about what is driving you to think, believe and act the way you do?

What I am concerned about is how we feel about feelings that aren’t pretty or timely.  We believe we shouldn’t feel that way. The stress and suffering comes from thinking that things ”shouldn’t” be the way they “are.”    

Feeling whatever you are feeling in that moment is exactly where your attention should be. You are receiving information/results that
you can now make new choices from to create a life you want.

When you find yourself feeling sad, overwhelmed, anxious, stressed…it is actually a great time for learning and growth. Don’t push it away….embrace it and go exploring.

ASK YOURSELF

What am I doing that I don’t want to be doing?

What am I feeling?

What am I believing that is making me feel this way?
(It is not the event, it is the meaning you put on the event that is making you feel the way you do)

What is the meaning you are giving the event?

Is your belief True? If yes, are you absolutely sure?

What can I learn from this feeling and belief(s) about myself?

How do I want to feel?

What do I need to believe about myself, my life, my world to feel that?
…I am capable, loveable, I live in a safe world, I can have peace of mind, I don’t need to solve everyones problems, I am powerful, I know enough, I am worth it…. 

What actions can I take that would be congurent with my new beliefs?
…say no, set boundaries. don’t engage the inner critic, stop worrying, let go of judgments, don’t gossip, practice meditation & yoga, forgive myself and others…..

What are these feelings communicating to you about yourself.

• Are you doing something that your not passionate about, it doesn’t feed your soul and it is depleting you?
• Are you a star trying to fit into a square shape? A big picture person doing detail work, a creative person doing routine…..?
• Are you not living in your fullest expression of yourself, selling yourself short, giving your power away?
• Are you living in fear of what you don’t want instead of what you do want? Worrier? Victim?
• Are you living someone else dream? Are you doing what your parents thought you should do? Being a stay at mom when you really love being a business women?….
• Are you a perfectionist, procrastinator,  critical,
• Are you following made up rules about what it means to be a “Good mother, a good wife, a good lover, an excellent business owner, stellar community member” to get the valadation, reconition and love you need.

I have given you a lot to think about so let me know what you think and feel about being a SuperWomen!  What are the new rules and beliefs?

Marilyn O’Malley, CPCC